Donald Trump

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I’m happy to address the Banquest Payment Systems audience – which is positively stellar. I mean you are the movers and shakers of the industry. You are the smartest of the smart and deserve to hear from the very best, which is obviously why you’ve approached me. You have chosen Banquest Payment Systems as your credit card processor, which means you know a good deal when you see one. Since I literally wrote the book on good deals, there is no one better at this topic than me.

People have asked me for specifics about my plans. Let’s talk about payments. Credit Card payments have been low energy because they haven’t gotten the Trump touch and because consumers don’t know they’re there! I’m going to mandate that all retailers include prominent signage requiring customers to pay via credit card, using the best Carrera marble and solid gold lettering. This might sound expensive but it will get consumers attention. If I get elected, you may get bored with paying by credit card. I mean credit card payments will be HUGE. Trust me. I understand that retailers might balk at the cost, but you know what? Canada is going to pay for it, so no worries there. It’s practically a done deal. Did you know I literally wrote the book on making deals?

Anyway, I need to wrap this up because I need to help Chris Christie catch a flight back to New Jersey. If you want to hear more from me, you should follow me on Twitter. I’ve brought so much business to Twitter. I don’t know what they did before me. Al Gore may have invented the internet, but Twitter would be nothing without me. So I hope my comments will help make payments great again. Trust me.

One more thing before I go. Everyone knows I’m all about the deal. So I met with the staff at Banquest Payment Systems and I looked them right in the eye. Because of my negotiating skills I’m happy to announce that Banquest Payment Systems has agreed to waive ALL processing fees for the month of April 2016 for any new merchant opening a new merchant account (up to $500)! I mean this eclipses all other offers or deals. Believe me! Sign up today at Mention the discount code TRUMP0401. You’d be a fool not to use this exclusive code and sign up today! You’re welcome and Happy April Fool’s! But the code really does work!